There and Back

Between Spaghetti A.I. and Enterprise Agents

April 29th, 2026

Why do we say Please and Thank You to an A.I. chatbot. It doesn’t have an inner life or emotions. Who cares. We can be mean to it. But there is a part of me that wants to be nicer. I’ve been reading too much about A.I. recently.

Reading about the Data Wall and Post-scarcity and SynthLLM and the cyber defense ecosystem and agent integration into enterprise resource management. Oof. That’s too much. But hey I got to make time go by faster here at work because the helpdesk tickets are slow around here.

Ever since I saw the A.I. video of Will Smith eating spaghetti, I thought to myself, this A.I. hoopla isn’t going to take over the world anytime soon as much as I think it is. But then agents came along. And my boss asked me to do some research into Microsoft 365 Copilot. Not to be confused with the just the Copilot chatbot. 365 Copilot is an agentic shitstorm you can integrate into your business workflow, “Add agents to Copilot that automate common tasks or work on your behalf.” So I looked into it.

No fucking way are we doing that, not on my watch. When he asks me about it I tell him that users can create their own agents. I say that because I know his mantra is “people [users] are stupid.” I say that in the hopes it will dissuade him from even considering giving our users that kind of power. Sure, we can give agents only the access they need (role based, least privilege, etc.) or lock down user created agents if we don’t like them. But still this agentic stuff doesn’t sit well with me. Especially now that Anthropic and OpenAI have cyber security focused models. They’ll only give access to a small number of “defenders” at first. But someone will come up with an open source version and then we’re all fucked.

Anyways, I’m going on lunch break and to FaceTime chat with my wife. Which is more fun than chatting with an LLM and doesn’t cost any tokens.
How to Lower Your Blood Pressure

April 17th, 2026

I just overheard my manager tell a coworker that there is a meme about how to lower your blood pressure. That caressing a woman’s breasts can lower your blood pressure by 15%. Then he said “I don’t recommend trying that on your pharmacist!” I laughed to myself and again wondered how this guy has lasted almost 40 years here. Anyways, I had to look into it myself, of course not searching on my company laptop but my personal device. Is this real?

Turns out that this is a debunked hoax that originated from a fake German study claiming that staring at breasts for 10 minutes lowers blood pressure and slows heart rate and points to less heart disease. That said, there must be a bit of truth to that, right?

I have done zero scientistic research but have plenty of field experience, so to speak. I bet there is truth, at least, behind the idea that affectionate physical touch (consensual with your partner you weirdos) can help lower stress and have positive effects on your body health. Not magic specific to breasts but the power of loving human touch and intimacy in general.

For example, “the love hormone” oxytocin. Affectionate touch from a partner triggers oxytocin which, as you know, promotes relaxation and reduces stress and lowers blood pressure. I’m not going to cite any sources, I’m forty, I know some shit.

So the meme is mostly a tongue-in-cheek exaggeration of a real biological response to intimacy. Don’t be skipping the doctors office because some guy on the internet that told you to fondle boobs. Get your blood work done if you need to. Lift weights, eat healthy most of the time, do a martial art, and go to bed early (real men are in bed by 10pm).

Okay I really have to stop eavesdropping on office chatter. But I can’t help it. Sometimes I get some good writing content for my website. Until next time. Good luck with that intimacy.
Jiu Jitsu as Therapy

April 16th, 2026

The first time I tried jiu jitsu was in 2017. I was a drunk druggy bum who thought because he used to wrestle in high school he could pick up a grappling martial art quick and dominate. After less than ten classes and purchasing a $200 Gi, I quit. Of course I did. I wasn’t in a good place mentally or physically and couldn’t take on the responsibility of the structure and routine that comes with learning and sticking with a martial art. Maybe I should have gone to therapy.

Is jiu jitsu a substitute for therapy?

When people say “jiu jitsu IS therapy” my immediate reaction is, “really?”

I mean, it has done absolute wonders for me, physically and mentally, after doing it for almost five years. Started for real when I was 36. But there is a part of me that still prefers someone go to a professional for their mental health issues. Full disclosure, I have never seen a therapist regularly for mental health issues. Sure, at one point in my life I probably should have. But for me, quitting booze and drugs was the best thing I did for myself. There are still things for me to work on, but I’ve never sought professional help from a therapist.

All that being said, when it comes to jiu jitsu, can you really train your way out of something deeper? Something that is hurting you deep down? Like trauma or PTSD or some other medical mental health diagnosis? Let’s go deep and take a look.

Your head instructor may be a black belt in ground fighting, but they are probably not a black belt in “a diverse array of professional interventions aimed at diagnosing, treating, or managing physical, psychological, or emotional health conditions through structured, evidence-informed methods, often involving trained clinicians who apply techniques derived from empirical research or clinical observation.”

If your head instructor is all of those things, then hey that’s a bonus.

I’ve never seen anyone train their way out of trauma. But I bet it can be done. I’ve never seen anyone train their way out of PTSD. But I bet it can be done. And I’ve never seen anyone train their way out of a medical mental health condition. Pretty sure that cant be done. But maybe it can?

Jiu jitsu can help with symptoms of mental health issues, but the underlying diagnosis of a condition? I’m guessing not.

There could be a risk if you treat jiu jitsu as therapy instead of a supplement. That risk could include not actually getting to the bottom of your mental health issues. The positive benefits that we all get from training could just be masking and temporarily relieving pain. Don’t get me wrong, that is a good thing. The temporary relief is essential. It’s one of the main reasons we all go. My point is, use the mat as a supplement, but get your shit fixed off the mats as well. Do both.

When we leave the mats, we feel clarity and exhaustion and distraction and confidence. All are positive benefits of physical activity. You know this. The physical exertion the forced presence the structure the routine the social aspect.

But how long do those last off the mats? Which of those stay with you? Which of those fade away and get engulfed amongst the other areas of our lives?

Whatever stays with you, use them in combination with a therapist or heck even in combination with other alternative methods like yoga or meditation or even some of the weird alt-health stuff you see on Twitter. Who am I to judge!

Jiu jitsu can help you process things. But it can also help you escape. Is the escape always bad? When does it become avoidance? This is what I’m trying to articulate. There are things jiu jitsu CAN do for you and there are things jiu jitsu CAN’T do for you. Only you know what it can or can’t do for your situation.

For me, when I’m unsure if I want to get my ass to the gym, and then don’t end up going, I feel guilty. Like I’m letting myself down. Or that I am letting down some type of abstract idea I have about martial arts. That I owe it to myself and this idea to go and grapple. No matter how shitty I feel. And anytime I do end up going I feel better. Every. Single. Time.

That being said, there are some things that follow me back home when I leave the BJJ gym no matter how hard I trained. It could be that I feel bad about something I said to my wife and that it’s a representation of my relationship with her and that there are things I need to work on like my communication. Grappling doesn’t fix that. Or that I wish there were ways I could better help my older adult parents but feel lost and unprepared for the transition they are experiencing into late adulthood, the old-old stage. Grappling doesn’t fix that.

There comes a time where you realize jiu jitsu can help, but it’s not enough. It can help with some things and not others. This is what this post is about.

To wrap this up (like getting caught in a bow and arrow choke), jiu jitsu is for regulating channeling distracting and rebuilding confidence. I’d say it’s more like maintenance than treatment.

Of course, everyone’s experience is different. But this is mine.

If some one reading this right now is struggling with severe mental health issues, go do jiu jitsu and beat up some white belts. And then book an appointment with a therapist. Train and then talk to someone.

See you on that mats.
Meaning in Jiu Jitsu

April 16th, 2026

One of the things my father and I bonded over was wrestling. He introduced it to me when I was thirteen years old. He used to coach it way back in the day. So watching the NCAA Wrestling Championships this weekend with him has been nice.

I often think about why did I join a jiu jitsu gym at 36 years old (now 40)? I’ve written about it a bunch but basically I think the main reason is to relive my high school wrestling glory days and to try to connect to what it used to give me. It was one of the few things I was good at as a teenager. Other than skipping class and smoking pot.

Winning a rookie tournament and getting gold in grade nine was a highlight of my wresling career. I remember my coach checking in on me while he coached other members of the team and sort of just let me do my thing. It was something I won and felt I really deserved it.

Being better than average at high school wrestling is part of my life story. It helped shape me. Throughout the years I’d indulge in enjoyable recollection about the ‘good ole’ days’ and wonder if there was ever a way I could get that back. Also throughout the years I would get distracted with drugs and alcohol and parties and basically going throuhg life aimlessly with no purpose or direction. And never returned to the mats. Until decades later, I finally got my act together, got sober, got married, and felt at peace enough to learn to grapple again.

What does grappling signify to me, what does it represent now that I’m at the beginning of middle age?

Bare with me here, I’m going to get deep for a minute. Culture is fractionated. Old avenues and sources of meaning are no longer present as they used to be. The shared collective values of community and institutions (that we used to trust) have collapsed.

As Paul Publisher (

@ZeitvilleMedia on X

) would say, ‘people now stitch together personal identities, beliefs, and communities from fragmented cultural remnants, like a patchwork quilt, creating individualized or micro-tribal realities amid decentralization, multiplicity, and parallel subcultures.’

Basically, we need more awe and less A.I. We need more mystery and less slop. We need more texture and less smooth monochrome frictionless living. Less optimization and more struggle.

So what the hell does this have to do with a 40 year old blue belt trying to recapture his high school mat glory?

Well to put it another way, what would I be missing if I took jiu jitsu out of my life now?

I’d be missing that texture and awe and mystery I get now from a martial art.

I would be missing a sense on community. A social life. Exercise. Hobby. Goals. Everything good that comes from martial arts and everything good I used to get way back in the day. But most importantly, I’d be missing a catalyst through which I can divert the demons. A funnel to direct my energy and focus. And an avenue to maybe inspire myself and others. You know, meaning and purpose.

Is the meaning coming from the activity itself, or what it demands from me?

Does the meaning come from the tactile physical touch and throwing and gripping and movement of my body OR does it come from the mindests motivation schedule disipline and study that the martial art demands?

I suppose it’s all of that. The meaning for me shows up in the hard rounds and breakthroughs and losses and the little positional wins I have on the mat. It gives me immediate feedback of how I am doing. If the work I put in on and off the mats is working or not. I am not left to wonder. It’s a wonderful thing to overcome the physical and mental demands of grappling. Especially now that I’m 40 and that most 40 year old men are not doing this. They should be, in one form or another not just in martial arts.

So when people say ‘it’s just jiu jitsu, it’s not that deep’ I know what they mean. I know what they are trying to say. Heck I even say that sometimes. But maybe the don’t really think about it this way, think about it in terms of meaning-generation or meaning-mining. Meaningmaxxing. Bro, are you even meaningmaxxing?

But for folks like me that had their life change for the better because I joined a martial art at a later age, it IS that deep. It means something. And I bet it means something to you as well. It matters.

So whatever the reason is that you joined a grappling gym, I know it’s a net positive in your life. And I hope it continues to be for many more years to come.

Keep rolling keep struggling keep finding texture and friction and community and purpose. It’s not just jij jitsu. It’s meaningmaxxing. And it’s worth every sore elbow hip knee and mat burn. See you on the mats.
Don’t Panic in Jiu Jitsu

April 16th, 2026

Who needs drugs when being under a high mount of a 200+ pound purple belt is a euphoric out of body experience. It takes time but one day you’ll feel comfortable under there.

There’s this brown belt who loves heavy metal music and loves to beat me up. I’m always under his mount. He’s sweaty. It always drips in my face. But underneath all that muscle and perspiration, I’m calm collected and composed. Totally unfazed. No amount of moisture will dampen my spirits.

In jiu jitsu you need to become unbothered by chaos during a roll. And it is chaos. Controlled chaos. From a competitive round to a flow roll, anything could happen and you need your wits about you.

Take grips for example, where the hell do I put my hands? Put them somewhere, anywhere is a good start. Control yourself and then control your opponent. My shift in perspective came from years of being tossed around, pinned, swept, and subbed. And it eventually hit me ‘this ain’t so bad!’

Being under side control is arguably the worst position in my blue belt opinion. But I’ve been stuck under there so much it feels like home. And home is where the heart is. And in this case it is also where understanding comes from.

You get your ass kicked in jiu jitsu enough you actually start to figure things out. It’s supposed to be hard. That’s why most people don’t do this martial art. But trust me, if you can stay calm while you can’t hear because your head is stuck in your partners gi jacket, you taste blood (hopefully it’s yours), you have mat burn on your toes, and your old shoulder injury is acting up again mid roll, well heck that’s half the battle! This means you’re going to make it. This means you’re going to last. Just don’t panic. They WANT you to panic so when you make a mistake they take advantage of that and then soon enough will submit you.

Tips on How to Stay Calm While Getting Your Ass Kicked -breath, big breaths -get them off balance and use every tiny opening they give you -mantra ‘re-gaurd’ just keep repeating that in your head, or out loud if you want to scare them -use your hands, frame, remember ‘the table’, everyone is a table, take one table leg away and the table falls over, that’s when you escape

Next time you are under the high mount of that 200+ pound purple belt, just remember, if your calm it will show and it will spook them. Gather yourself and plan your escape. You don’t have long. But this time you’ll be ready. Because you’re home. Home sweet home. And home is where you belong. Home is where you’re at peace. Now go in peace and don’t panic!
Mat Time Matters

April 16th, 2026

I recall the smell of fuzzy peaches as a chunk of my bicep was being forced inside my mouth. The aroma of fruit scented body wash pairs nicely with a head and arm choke. Like the bucket that collects my tears after every open mat, this choke was deep. But I don’t remember if this was the fifth submission I tapped to or the ninth. What I do know is that I need more practice.

I hadn’t attended a No Gi class in a long time, months. This was the first No Gi specific open mat class I’d ever been to, it was a new open mat they started on Sunday afternoons. There was five of us. My partners were all much heavier than me but that wasn’t the issue, or at least it’s not entirely my excuse for sucking.

Have you ever had a moment of realization that is so clear to you that it feels like you’re a yogi who just had an existential breakthrough about the nature of the universe? An idea so profound you considered starting a cult around it?

Perfect Practice

The moment I realized I could no longer coast on my almost five years of grappling experience is the moment I realized that the adage of “practice makes perfect” is as real as the synthetic, moisture-wicking, and stretchy materials used to make those cool branded No Gi rash guards we all wear. I love when other members of the gym get better as I get better. But this past weekend of getting absolutely smashed was a wake up call. Of course I know practice make perfect, especially for us mortals, us 40 year old working folks with lives outside of grappling. But it’s nice to have a reminder now and then. Only our reminders come in the form of hyperextended limbs and loss of consciousness.

I rolled five times. Five minutes each. That’s 25 minutes where at no point did I have positional control, dominant grips, led the pace, or win any scramble.

Before I got my new job my mat schedule was more flexible. I would usually go Mondays for two hours (gi then no gi), Wednesdays for two hours (gi then no gi), and Saturdays for two hours (all levels class followed by open mat). It was heaven. A sweaty painful but fulfilling heaven. That’s six hours a week of training. Man I miss that. These days I’ll be lucky to get two hours in in a week. But hey it’s better than not going at all. You hear that fellow blue belts, don’t quit!

When I train more frequently I notice a few things: -I enter flow-state sooner and it lasts longer -my defense is on point -my movements have meaning

‘When the challenge of a task matches ones skill level’ is when you enter flow state. For me when I’m feeling it, my performance is better, I’m more creative, and I’m happy. My breathing and pace are matched and I don’t gas out as fast. I attempt more submissions from anywhere regardless of probability of success. And I feel zen, at peace while at war, so to speak.

Why Mat Time Matters

Everything just works when you’ve put the time in. Your timing is on, your reaction is smooth, your body is loose, and your body remembers your go-to techniques. The muscle memory is remembering. There is the saying “drillers make killers” and I think that has to do with grinding. Putting in the work. But regular folks who don’t have super powers and have other obligations than living on the mat, we have to find the sweet spot of training just enough where we see improvement but not too much where we neglect our daily responsibilities or increase the chances of injury.

You and I are in it. We have committed to making jiu jitsu a part of our lives. We think about it everyday and maybe even beat ourselves up for not training as much as we could. But this is a reminder (for me too) that the mats aren’t going anywhere and there is never a point at when you ‘win jiu jitsu’ or know every possible technique.

Find the time for that sweet spot and don’t be too hard on yourself. This is supposed to be fun. And yes it would be more fun if we could be successful more often and didn’t get our ass kicked all the time. Or maybe that’s why we love it so much? We’re all sort of masochists in a way. We submission grapplers. We like the pain and triumph. This is our Fight Club.

Jiu Jitsu rewards mat time over anything else. So when you have time, I’ll see you on the mats.
The Cult of Jiu Jitsu

April 16th, 2026

How to find meaning in psychological manipulation.

Are you looking to be controlled?

Are you looking for some emotional dependency?

Are you looking to have your resources, labor, and loyalty extracted every month (and possibly the occasional extreme compliance)?

Well heck do I have a hobby for you!

Let me guess, you are seeking meaning, purpose and belonging. Or perhaps you’re going through a transition of sorts. Something is missing. I’ll also assume you are ready to devote all your time and money to further the agenda of your local grappling professor (often under the guise of spiritual advancement and the gyms needs).

Perhaps you use to wrestle in high school and you miss the ‘good old days.’ Perhaps you are sick and tired of being bullied. Perhaps you are a bit too trusting and have low self esteem.

Perfect!

Follow along and we’ll get you set up and ready to roll in no time.

How to Join the Cult of Jiu Jitsu

Within your neighbourhood’s strip malls you’ll often find pot shops, liquor stores, convenience stores, a Wendy’s, a karate gym (stay far away!), and tucked into the back corner you’ll find your local jiu jitsu hub.

Before walking in and signing up for a trial class, what your going to want to make sure of is that on the front window there is a huge bad ass cartoon logo of a MMA fighter with a mean looking face or better yet some type of animal (preferably an alpha) wearing a tattered and ripped Gi. Bonus points if the logo elicits an audible “hell yeah” from you upon seeing it.

Picking the Right Leader

Before signing the waiver for your trial class, that basically says you can’t sue them if a blue belt drops you on your neck and paralyzes you, you’re going to want to pick the gym that is right for you. Picking the right gym (and by extension a cult leader, also known as a “Professor”) is a skill. You’re going to want to make sure that they exhibit the right pathological traits. For example, do you notice them yelling at the children during a routine drill? That might be a good fit for you. The narcissism should be beaming off them. Their grandiose self-importance and fantasies of unlimited power are on full display and overt. It’s obvious they believe they are special and better than everyone else.

But I bet you’re looking for a head instructor that is a bit more, shall I say, nuanced with their manipulation. Their charisma and persuasiveness sucks you in like a purple belt catching you in z-guard because their entire game is built around it. The charm and elegance makes you feel seen.

Picking the Right Tribe

Once you decide on outward appearances of the gym and the type of coach you want, next you need to figure out the type of environment you’re looking for. Do you want it to be self-defence focused or competition focused or more of a drama filled orgy of degenerates who would like nothing more than to destroy the life of everyone around them?

This part is important because this is where you’ll meet your tribe and if you’re lucky, life long friends!

The best gyms require you to sign in on the iPad at the beginning of every training session, only wear their branded Gi’s, and you must bow before you walk on the mat, while you’re on the mat, and when you get off the mat. Another sign of a good BJJ cult is how newcomers are treated. The best case scenario would be that the gym will have their enforcer (usually a heavy weight brown belt who has a drinking problem and anger issues) roll with you on your first day. This shows you the power of jiu jitsu and will make you want to keep coming back for more.

Ready to Roll

By now you should have all the info you need to sign up for a full year membership. It’s an important decision to choose which gym you’ll start embarking on your jiu jitsu journey with, because you won’t be able to leave. Not without some financial penalties and public shaming. But if you’ve picked the right gym, they’ll be good at both. OSS!
Punch The Monkey

March 21st, 2026

Punch the Monkey is an example of the old Big Tent Society we used to be a part of before the fractionation and micro tribes (H/t @ZeitvilleMedia). Many people are sharing stories about this monkey. Mostly positive. What does this monkey represent? That furry little dude represents our collective urge to share in the Hero’s Journey.

Abandoned by his drug addicted young mother, left to fend for himself. Rejected and alone and isolated. He was bullied and mugged by macaque street thugs just because he was different. The Keepers tried everything to comfort Punch. Hand feeding, rocking him gently to sleep, getting him a PS5 with an advanced version of GTAVI. But nothing could fill the void of his traumatic upbringing. But just when we thought all hope was lost and the likelihood of Punch becoming another statistic another victim in the underbelly of Monkey Mountain enclosure in Ichikawa city Zoo in Japan, enter the IKEA plush orangutan named Oramama.

We’ve seen his tests, allies, and enemies. Crossing the threshold into becoming a member of a new tribe. A new beginning. Will we see a resurrection? His road back, to where the momentum shifts and he return home with the elixir, proof of his new found strength, family and hope? WE can only hope. Keep going, Punch.
Don’t Panic

March 21st, 2026

Who needs drugs when being under a high mount of a 200+ pound purple belt is a euphoric out of body experience. It takes time but one day you’ll feel comfortable under there.

There’s this brown belt who loves heavy metal music and loves to beat me up. I’m always under his mount. He’s sweaty. It always drips in my face. But underneath all that muscle and perspiration, I’m calm collected and composed. Totally unfazed. No amount of moisture will dampen my spirits.

In jiu jitsu you need to become unbothered by chaos during a roll. And it is chaos. Controlled chaos. From a competitive round to a flow roll, anything could happen and you need your wits about you.

Take grips for example, where the hell do I put my hands? Put them somewhere, anywhere is a good start. Control yourself and then control your opponent. My shift in perspective came from years of being tossed around, pinned, swept, and subbed. And it eventually hit me ‘this ain’t so bad!’

Being under side control is arguably the worst position in my blue belt opinion. But I’ve been stuck under there so much it feels like home. And home is where the heart is. And in this case it is also where understanding comes from.

You get your ass kicked in jiu jitsu enough you actually start to figure things out. It’s supposed to be hard. That’s why most people don’t do this martial art. But trust me, if you can stay calm while you can’t hear because your head is stuck in your partners gi jacket, you taste blood (hopefully it’s yours), you have mat burn on your toes, and your old shoulder injury is acting up again mid roll, well heck that’s half the battle! This means you’re going to make it. This means you’re going to last. Just don’t panic. They WANT you to panic so when you make a mistake they take advantage of that and then soon enough will submit you.

Tips on How to Stay Calm While Getting Your Ass Kicked -breath, big breaths -get them off balance and use every tiny opening they give you -mantra ‘re-gaurd’ just keep repeating that in your head, or out loud if you want to scare them -use your hands, frame, remember ‘the table’, everyone is a table, take one table leg away and the table falls over, that’s when you escape

Next time you are under the high mount of that 200+ pound purple belt, just remember, if your calm it will show and it will spook them. Gather yourself and plan your escape. You don’t have long. But this time you’ll be ready. Because you’re home. Home sweet home. And home is where you belong. Home is where you’re at peace. Now go in peace and don’t panic!
Meaning in Jiu Jitsu

March 21st, 2026

One of the things my father and I bonded over was wrestling. He introduced it to me when I was thirteen years old. He used to coach it way back in the day. So watching the NCAA Wrestling Championships this weekend with him has been nice.

I often think about why did I join a jiu jitsu gym at 36 years old (now 40)? I’ve written about it a bunch but basically I think the main reason is to relive my high school wrestling glory days and to try to connect to what it used to give me. It was one of the few things I was good at as a teenager. Other than skipping class and smoking pot.

Winning a rookie tournament and getting gold in grade nine was a highlight of my wresling career. I remember my coach checking in on me while he coached other members of the team and sort of just let me do my thing. It was something I won and felt I really deserved it.

Being better than average at high school wrestling is part of my life story. It helped shape me. Throughout the years I’d indulge in enjoyable recollection about the ‘good ole’ days’ and wonder if there was ever a way I could get that back. Also throughout the years I would get distracted with drugs and alcohol and parties and basically going throuhg life aimlessly with no purpose or direction. And never returned to the mats. Until decades later, I finally got my act together, got sober, got married, and felt at peace enough to learn to grapple again.

What does grappling signify to me, what does it represent now that I’m at the beginning of middle age?

Bare with me here, I’m going to get deep for a minute. Culture is fractionated. Old avenues and sources of meaning are no longer present as they used to be. The shared collective values of community and institutions (that we used to trust) have collapsed.

As Paul Publisher (@ZeitvilleMedia) would say, ‘people now stitch together personal identities, beliefs, and communities from fragmented cultural remnants, like a patchwork quilt, creating individualized or micro-tribal realities amid decentralization, multiplicity, and parallel subcultures.’

Basically, we need more awe and less A.I. We need more mystery and less slop. We need more texture and less smooth monochrome frictionless living. Less optimization and more struggle.

So what the hell does this have to do with a 40 year old blue belt trying to recapture his high school mat glory?

Well to put it another way, what would I be missing if I took jiu jitsu out of my life now?

I’d be missing that texture and awe and mystery I get now from a martial art.

I would be missing a sense on community. A social life. Exercise. Hobby. Goals. Everything good that comes from martial arts and everything good I used to get way back in the day. But most importantly, I’d be missing a catalyst through which I can divert the demons. A funnel to direct my energy and focus. And an avenue to maybe inspire myself and others. You know, meaning and purpose.

Is the meaning coming from the activity itself, or what it demands from me?

Does the meaning come from the tactile physical touch and throwing and gripping and movement of my body OR does it come from the mindests motivation schedule disipline and study that the martial art demands?

I suppose it’s all of that. The meaning for me shows up in the hard rounds and breakthroughs and losses and the little positional wins I have on the mat. It gives me immediate feedback of how I am doing. If the work I put in on and off the mats is working or not. I am not left to wonder. It’s a wonderful thing to overcome the physical and mental demands of grappling. Especially now that I’m 40 and that most 40 year old men are not doing this. They should be, in one form or another not just in martial arts.

So when people say ‘it’s just jiu jitsu, it’s not that deep’ I know what they mean. I know what they are trying to say. Heck I even say that sometimes. But maybe the don’t really think about it this way, think about it in terms of meaning-generation or meaning-mining. Meaningmaxxing. Bro, are you even meaningmaxxing?

But for folks like me that had their life change for the better because I joined a martial art at a later age, it IS that deep. It means something. And I bet it means something to you as well. It matters.

So whatever the reason is that you joined a grappling gym, I know it’s a net positive in your life. And I hope it continues to be for many more years to come.

Keep rolling keep struggling keep finding texture and friction and community and purpose. It’s not just jij jitsu. It’s meaningmaxxing. And it’s worth every sore elbow hip knee and mat burn. See you on the mats.